St. Louis - Semi-nude photographs of Robert Strasser, executive director of the Tin Ceiling theater, surfaced recently, plunging the St. Louis theater community into scandal.  The Tin Ceiling, with its family-friendly, conservative approach to theater, is deeply conflicted about the risqué images of Mr. Strasser. 

         "I can't believe this is the same person who thought The Music Man was just too controversial for our audience," said Dave Burnett, a longtime board member.  "It must be a mistake.  Somebody is trying to bring this reputable company down!" 

         When asked who might be behind such a conspiracy, Mr Burnett, responded, "All of them!  All of them.  They're all behind it.  All of them, damn it!  I'll find the bastards!”

         The photos, featuring a very pale and slightly malnourished Mr. Strasser, first appeared on the web yesterday.

         “I was young.  I mean, I was younger.” said Mr. Strasser, speaking of the photos, which image analysts believe to have been taken some time last week. “I needed the money. I thought it was for an anti-cosmetic industry campaign.  Down with Mary Kay.  They where holding my family hostage.”

         Mr. Strasser’s family is a cat named [???]. The [breed??] is known to be safe and well, and declined to be interviewed.

         Immediately after giving a brief statement at the Tin Ceiling on the corner of Cherokee and Compton, Mr. Strasser fell to his knees and began weeping, before being quickly escorted upstairs to the apartment of Mr. Drew Somervell, a close friend.  "This is why I do sketch comedy.  No bullshit." Mr. Somervell said before slamming the door. 

         The photos are believed to have been taken by Meghan Maguire, a local actress and high-level member of a rival theatre company, The Orange Girls.

         "I don’t know what he’s talking about. I arrived home to find him in my kitchen, half naked, and scrawling gibberish all over his chest with my favorite lipstick. He demanded that I take pictures, and I felt too threatened to refuse. Of course, the poor man is simply very sick and delusional.  He just needs attention."

         The Flower Guy, a neighbor, said that he wasn’t at all surprised by these recent events. "I knew there was something fishy about those drama punks.” He said. “Always trying to park on my side of the street.  It's my side, damn it.  You can't have it.  It's all mine.”        

         When asked to comment on the incident, Tin Ceiling Artistic Director Andy Byrd simply laughed maniacally and hung up the phone.